Hola, 2016!
It seems like my obsession for clean slate blogs has not yet stopped with the year 2015. Generally, I would consider it an obsession with writing; just yesterday, I bought 2 notebooks despite their overflowing amount here in my room. Writing is my happy place, if it can be considered a place. i love how it refreshes me and makes my perspective anew.
Erica (my dear, dear friend) and I talked while we were doing our respective tasks at work (we work at the same virtual company) and I asked her when was the last time she last read a new book. She said it's been a while; before mission, even. I came to realize my preoccupation with finding and doing work has deprived me of pursuing things that I truly love. My blogging has been put on hold due to my review and wife duties (some, self-indulging wife activities) and I have never felt good with that. Thus, the creation of a new blog.
However, unlike my old blogs which were created during my single days, this would mainly focus on my new life as a wife and would-be mom (halt! nope, not yet, but soon). Married life is both exciting and challenging, and offers a whole gamut of new experiences that I just can't help myself but write it all down. I hope that you would enjoy this journey with me. :)
So, where do we start? Oh, let's start fresh! It's the new year, right? Remember how we used to make sure our intermediate papers were clean because Ma'am will ask us to write down our New Year's Resolution? I had to make sure mine was stellar; I should have the best New Year's Resolution. Unfortunately by March, I would already forget what I aimed for. Ha!
But I am turning 25 this year and I can't take goals for granted lest I want to succumb to the quarter-age syndrome. :) Sometimes, I do feel its grasps on me, but I do my best to overcome. I always try to press forward with faith.
Being an adult these days is both exciting and depressing. Exciting in a way that there are a huge reservoir of opportunities you can indulge in. You can be whoever you want to be! It can be quite depressing when competition enters in. You know, when you look at your life and then you see the daily activities of your friends on FaceBook and you feel like "Aww, she has a wonderful married life now", "Oh, he travels every week!" "Aww, they got a new car!" You look at your life and you feel that whatever you do, you are just not enough.
I remember one conversation I had with a good friend of mine. We had the usual inquiries about how we're doing, what keeps us busy, what makes life new, the likes. It was all good and normal when out of the blue he asked me "Don't you think you're smart enough to just be a stay-at-home wife?" of course, I love being a wife so I had to tell him over again why I love being at home and how I have already decided to dedicate my time being a homemaker. He said he was impress with my decision and I'm glad he was. However, that question still haunted me until the night time. It was Christmas eve and Jared and I were set to spend the evening with my brother-in-law and his wife. While we were at the van, I kept thinking "Did I really give up opportunities by being a wife and desiring to be a mother?"
I was praying in my heart that Heavenly Father would assure me once more that the choice I made pleased Him and it was right. With tearful eyes, I decided to open the Gospel Library App and browsed through General Conference talks with the hope of finding even just an excerpt that will comfort me and set my perspective straight. It was like instinct when I chose to read Sister Neill Marriot's talk "Yielding our Hearts to God". While I was reading it, an overwhelming feeling enveloped me. One particular line that I loved the most:
"I have struggled to banish the mortal desire to have things my way, eventually realizing that my way is oh so lacking, limited, and inferior to the way of Jesus Christ. “His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come.”8 Can we love Jesus Christ and His way more than we love ourselves and our own agenda?" - Sister Neill F. Marriot
After reading those words, I had an urge to cry but you can't simply do that in a crowded Public Van. I diverted my gaze from the person in front of me, I looked outside, and offered a prayer of gratitude to the Lord. It was a clear evidence that my Heavenly Father saw the struggles of my heart. He knew that the desires to work outside home that I thought I have already fastened still will stubbornly bug me in some days. It is the Lord's desire for me to choose home rather than an enviable income. I was reminded once more of what is important. His will over mine always.
"His will over mine" is somewhat easy to say but veryyyy difficult to do. Major sacrifices are often required of us. Sometimes, we have to give up things and dreams that we love the most for us to be able to abide by His will. But you know what, all those sacrifices are worth it. There will always be tender mercies provided by the Lord to help you and fortify you along the way.
In that Christmas eve, I looked back to my past, I looked back to what I could have been had I chosen not to marry and pursue my own earthly wants. In that moment, I was like Lot's wife; I looked back with longing to the what if's of my life. Perhaps the reason why I was transformed into a bitter gourd (lol). I lacked faith on the future, and in a way doubted my husband's capacity to provide for me and our future family. Jared's a wonderful man and a very responsible Priesthood holder who wishes the best for me all the time. I felt so sorry for not having enough faith in this great man I married.
Jared's a wonderful man and a very responsible Priesthood holder who wishes the best for me all the time. I felt so sorry for not having enough faith in this great man I married.
After that awful moment of antagonizing myself for my choices, I realized that I missed counting some of the blessings that came with my choice to be a wife. I have a husband who constantly provides me with love and support; who encourages me to be my best and who provides me ways to be the very best I can be. I now have a best friend who'll stick with my positive traits and annoying idiosyncrasies. :) My desire to just stay at home provided me with an opportunity to pursue the career I love without compromising family time. I am a stay-at-home wife and a stay-at-home employee at the same time. For that, I am grateful.
A favorite scripture of mine says urges men to "press forward with steadfastness in Christ" and to have "a perfect brightness of hope". I pondered one day that these two are not individual requirements; they go together! When we are steadfast in our belief in Christ, it is always possible to have a perfect brightness of hope. When we have a perfect brightness of hope, our faith in Christ increases. Our faith towards our Savior and Heavenly Father will continue to increase despite all the heartaches, losses, and major sacrifices.
I am grateful for New Year's and new opportunities to revert our old ways to new, productive ways. I'm grateful for the Gospel that puts my perspective ON POINT (love that phrase). I love the fact that despite all the competition in social media, I am constantly reminded of what is important, essential and pleasing to His eye. We have the Lord in our side wherever and whatever we are. He loves us and He has great faith in us. He is our Father and as our Father, He desires what's best for us. Now, isn't that enough to make us press forward with faith everyday? :)
Giulz
"Sometimes, we have to give up things and dreams that we love the most for us to be able to abide by His will."
TumugonBurahin-I have always wanted to be a journalist. I used to work as a reporter for a newspaper for a brief period. It wasn't just writing. They call it hard news in journalism. When I started to get opportunities of covering news stories that included political icons such as Cory Aquino, Legarda, Biazon, etc. at a very young age, I thought I was on my way to fulfilling my dreams. But I can never be a journalist because I am an LDS woman who has kids. It might sound illogical. Yet, it is a fact, you know. And I can give you a list of why women like us can never be one. Sometimes, I'd open the television and see at least four reporters in the news that used to be my classmates in UP. But that doesn't matter anymore because my dreams have changed. I choose to be a wife and a mother. But apparently, I do not stay at home like you. I love home and I love work. I do both with just a 3-minute jeepney ride. And in just a span of two years, I have published two books. And it actually amuses me how I used to see my father's surname on the bylines of articles that I wrote in the newspapers. And now I see my husband's. Well, it's good to know that it is also the surname that my children carry with them. See you around! -gel :)
Eeeek. I seriously went kilig when I saw your comment. :) You were one of the first LDS writers I admired! (Dateline Philippines circa 2006, I think) :).
TumugonBurahinYou are an inspiration, Gelene! It's a spark of hope to see someone who chose God's will but who eventually succeeded. :). I think we all will succeed as long as we are on the path that He wants us to be. :). Hope to see you soon so I might get some tips from you. Thank you for being such an example to Jared and I. :)